Restore

Have you ever looked the word up in the dictionary?

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I love how this word makes me feel. It gives me hope. Truly great words do that right!!!!

I wanted to tell you a hope filled story. Stories are more fun right. Over the past 6 months the kids and I have lost/misplaced or had stolen several items that were very sentimental and valuable to each of us personally.

My son “lost” his amazing favorite bike this summer as well as his iPod. Both of them gifts, both of them dear to his little heart.

My daughter ” lost” her wallet with all her birthday gift cards and birthday money in it. An obvious tragedy.

I lost one of the only pair of earrings I own. I purposely purchased them with the last bit of money I made from a job that was truly killing me. I wanted to have one lovely thing from something I felt had taken so much from me just to remind me to be mindful before I jump head long into anything promising “money” as the end reward.

In each case, each one of us felt sad, heart broken and absolutely unable to repair the damage we had received through these losses. With each thing, we did all the normal things one does in times such as these. We cleaned! I mean deep cleaned like your throwing a party for 50 of your closest friends. We retraced our steps. We asked friends and family if they’d seen the items we were missing and then we surrendered to the sadness and guilt of it all and just simply prayed…. “God help please! Would you somehow, in your goodness restore what was lost to us? We trust you are good and either way we praise your holy name. -amen”

Then…..

MIRACULOUSLY (and I truly mean that)….

…one by one…like little lost sheep being returned to the fold….each item…over the weeks and months mysteriously appeared in the strangest of ways. The bike just appeared in our garage again. A friend found it and returned it. The iPod had fallen into some files on my desk and was delightfully recovered, the wallet was found in the deepest recesses of a bag that had previously been searched thoroughly and the earring…..well the earring is most interesting to my little heart.

You know…I believe God completely for my children…I believe that he will prove himself strong and good and true to each one of them as they need over the years. And each time he does, I smile at how much he loves them dearly and at how deeply and truly they feel it. But me….

Well that’s another story. Somehow…in my deepest parts…a small part of me still thinks that I have to DO things to be found lovely, worthy, remembered. I think that is why God so tenderly speaks to me almost daily…”I know you! You are remembered..you are not forgotten…just rest and be still. Let me shelter you!” He knows my heart so perfectly and knows I need that deeply from him! Actually, all of humanity longs to be known right! He just meets me right where I’m at as he does each person in humanity throughout time. Mind blowing really.

The last restoration was my earring. Do you know, that 2 times it’s come out. Once while on vacation in San Francisco and after being gone for close to a week, I mysteriously found it on the floor, at my feet, in our hotel room just as we were packing up to leave after our vacation was done. This Summer, we were out on the boat with friends. After jumping in the water and playing around, I got back in the boat and realized my earring was gone. In my heart, I thought well that’s it, it’s really gone this time ! God saved it once but this time it’s impossible, it’s at the bottom of the sea. I almost took the other one out and threw it into the ocean. And then, as we are heading back in to the dock, I looked down and right at my foot, there it was. God’s glittering, little reminder to me that he loves to restore things that have been lost, stolen, or squandered.

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So now, after a summer of small steady, disciplined movement on our part coupled with God’s truly miraculous restorations I find that our hearts are being deeply groomed and cultivated in the knowledge that his mercies really are new every morning!!!

Pax,
The Abbess

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