Grace…

The older I get, the less I know. I remember my Dad telling me that when I was in my teens and it didn’t register. Now I agree. The one thing I DO know is that I swim in an infinite sea of grace. It is his very breath that gives me life and I may make my plans but he guides every blessed step.

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You may know that the last 8 months have been physically tough. Right at this point last year, I started training for a marathon along with heavy Crossfit training and lots of life stressors. It ultimately ended in a huge physical breakdown…an entire marathon run with consistent panic attacks with full onslaught of adrenal fatigue AND I lost my toenails. ( I cried a lot over that one) It felt like I lost all solidness inside my body and I was as frail and wispy as imaginable. So I started a ton of supplements, a cortisol supplement, lots and lots of green smoothies, skin brushing, yoga instead of running and much, much less cardio crossfit in leu of just weight training with tons of rest and lots of eating food…especially starchy carby food. And slowly month after month I started to feel solid again.

What I did not know then was that what I went through is very common although most traditional docs won’t diagnosis it….especially for women my age. I had to let it all go in the way of eating and just eat what I wanted when I wanted without any guilty thoughts and centered all my physical working out on playfulness not competition. I did the fun Crossfit workouts with the gymnastic moves or the Olympic lifts and skipped the cardio chippers. I quit running really altogether and just played around with yoga on my mat.

Now at the beginning of August, a full year after this journey started, my toenails have all but grown back and I’m ready to engage thoughtfully with food. The kind of discipline with food that brings freedom and healing, not the kind that brings judgement or striving towards some physical ideal.

This year I really want to grow more and more childlike in my walk with The Lord, in my response to stressful situations and ask for grace to grow in trust and discipline that leads to freedom.

Today I begin the #wholethirty challenge. This is how I ate before I got sick and generally felt amazing. Then I started serious marathon training and was too restrictive in amounts for all the physical work I did and it provided the tipping point for my breakdown. Now as I enter again into this, I do it lovingly, mindfully and with no restriction on amounts and with the intention that God made my body perfectly. I will choose to worship him in all I do including my eating and working out.

My family and I are also starting our 30 day family adventure. No tv, computer or devices or eating out for 30 days. I am also going to read the book outloud with them called It Starts With Food. My prayer is that these two things combined will recharge our hearts, our minds our bodies and our spirits while helping our hearts connect more deeply as we enter into another wonderful year of learning together at home.

My husband and I need to come up with computer guidelines for ourselves as with work a complete black out isn’t possible during the day but definitely our evening hours will be media free. I will probably only give myself a block of time in the afternoon to check email or post a blog but stay device free the rest of the time. Boy it’s going to take while power but more importantly GRACE!

Only in his perfect grace will any of this succeed! Pray with me that in the hardest moments of this that I will bow my head and submit to his kingship, open my heart to his love and grace and breath DEEP breaths of the one who knows my by name from the moment I was conceived, in the painful parts that ultimately are bringing healing and life!!

Pax,
The Abbess

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